Divorced and now online Dating: Am I booty call or more?

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Hi Guys,

I’m in the middle of a divorce after 16 years of marriage. It’s been months since I’ve been with anyone. I decided to check out a dating website. I met this very nice looking man. (We are both in our mid 40’s.) It started with small talk and then we decided to meet up for dinner and talk. (It was strange for me.)

Turns out he’s been divorced for 7 years. We both have children and have busy work schedules but, we managed to meet each other and things went well. We said our goodbyes and a few days later we met again, just for a few hours. He came to my place and met my children and we talk and kissed some and that’s as far as it went.

He left town for a couple of days after that but we stayed in contact and he said he wanted to meet up when he got back. And of course, that’s what we did. So for the third date he ended up coming to my place and we had the place to ourselves. We ended up having sex, which by the way he said was nice and thanked me for it? I’ve never had a man tell me that before. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing?

Don’t know what to think or do?

Becky

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Dear Becky,

Thanks for your question.

Jumping back into the dating scene after being married for a long time can be confusing on many levels, and maybe even a bit surreal at times. Sometimes the confusion stems from not being clear what the plan is. So what is your plan Becky? What do you actually want from a relationship? We’re not saying that you should know exactly what you want before you begin to date again, we’re just saying that once you figure it out, certain questions will be cleared up.

For example: If you’re just out to have a good time with no strings attached, it wouldn’t matter to you if not everything was clear between you and this guy. Meaning, you’d evaluate the facts only: you had a good time with this man. And you wouldn’t be wondering what he means by thanking you for sex. (Yes, that is a bit “different” but it’s not a bad thing. When is a Thank You a bad thing when the person actually means well?)

But if we really want to get into the nitty gritty of nuance we’d say that his “Thank You” seemed an appropriate thing to say since you did something very intimate together but he doesn’t really know you that well. It’s a response from someone who is trying to acknowledge the disparity between your “interaction” and your relative lack of interactions. Make sense? We think it shows a sense of awareness and caring not often displayed by guys. But it doesn’t mean anything other than that. He’s not necessarily saying he wants to have a relationship, nor is he saying he doesn’t want to see you again. The two of you would actually have to have a discussion about those topics. (If you wanted to that is.)

Our advice to you is figure out what you want out of dating right now. (This will likely change.) Once you figure out what you’re looking for, find someone who wants the same thing. (It could even be this guy?)

But for now, it seems like you’re having a good time. Enjoy it.

Leave us a follow up comment and/or question. (In the comments section here.)

THE GUYS

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